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People already negotiate relationships anarchically. They cooperate, compromise, distribute labour, care for one another, resolve disputes and continually renegotiate the relationship.
Then the state arrives with marriage and says: "We'll recognize this."
The ideological trick is that recognition gets confused with creation.
The state didn't create the relationship, the cooperation, the love or the mutual obligations. It certified something that was already being produced horizontally by the people involved.
"We're already governing ourselves. What exactly is the marriage certificate for?" 🏴